Jeff Kassouf covers women's soccer for ESPN, focusing on the USWNT and NWSL. In 2009, he founded The Equalizer, a women's soccer news outlet, and he previously won a Sports Emmy at NBC Sports and Olympics.
MONTERREY, Mexico -- For the past decade, Sofia Huerta has actively practiced the concept of living in the present, but her recent past -- and how it informs her immediate future -- is intrinsically tied to where she now finds herself.
Sitting in the lobby of the team hotel on the day before the United States' 1-0 victory over Mexico on Monday at the CONCACAF W Championship, Huerta is keenly aware of the stops and starts in her journey, one filled with critics and self-doubt at times. It has been a process that required her to recalibrate how she viewed her worth as a soccer player and a person.
There were moments in the past when it seemed Huerta would be preparing to play this game for Mexico. After all, the Boise, Idaho, product was eligible to represent both countries, thanks to her Mexico-born father and U.S.-born mother. As Huerta thrived playing college soccer at Santa Clara University, Mexico expressed interest in her and called her up to the senior team as a teenager in 2012.
Huerta found early success, scoring a pair of goals in her first few caps with Mexico. However, that experience of representing Mexico on the soccer stage reinforced to Huerta what she had thought all along: The U.S. national team is where she belongs.
"I thought, well, if I can have these moments against these top international teams, that means that I can compete at this level," Huerta told ESPN. "Playing for Mexico helped me realize I want to play for the U.S., no question. I think I always, deep down, knew that, but I wanted to take that opportunity [with Mexico]."
In 2014, Huerta made it known that she would no longer accept call-ups from Mexico to pursue opportunities with the United States, the perennial world No. 1. It wouldn't be until 2017 that it became reality -- and then another three-year stretch without a call-up before finally finding a regular place on the U.S. national team.
A USWNT opportunity, followed by regret
Huerta stands alone as the only player to have competed for and against the United States women's national team.
In 2017, then-U.S. head coach Jill Ellis was in the middle of an extensive search to improve the player pool and her team ahead of the 2019 World Cup after an embarrassing quarterfinal exit at the 2016 Olympics. Full-back depth was (and remains) an area of need for the United States, and Ellis was impressed with Huerta's crossing abilities in her more attack-minded roles for her National Women's Soccer League side, the Chicago Red Stars.
Ellis thought those skills could translate well to an attacking full-back role at the international level. Huerta was happy just to get the call and willing to play where she was needed. Two days after the announcement that her one-time FIFA switch was approved in September 2017, Huerta made her senior U.S. debut off the bench and served a looping cross to assist a spectacular finish by Alex Morgan.
Back in Chicago, however, Huerta was still being deployed as a forward. The Red Stars already had a deep back line, so in another effort to advance her national team career, she asked for a trade. In June 2018, Chicago dealt her to the Houston Dash, with whom Huerta thought she would play full-back. As soon as she arrived, however, the Dash made Huerta the No. 10 in midfield. With Huerta not playing full-back for her club, the calls from Ellis stopped.
The 2019 World Cup was around the corner, and the closer it got, the clearer it became that Huerta was not in the picture.
"I had some anger there," Huerta said of how the situation in Houston unfolded.
Huerta had a choice to make about how she would view herself. She could be Sofia Huerta, successful professional soccer player, or she could be Sofia Huerta, not good enough for the U.S. national team.
"I had to change the narrative of, just because I'm not on the national team doesn't mean that I'm not a good player, doesn't mean that I'm a failure," she said. "Actually, this is amazing, and I'm still in the 1% and I'm so grateful for my life. That really helped me stay present and do what I can do, and then I got the call from Vlatko [Andonovski] (current U.S. head coach)."
That call came in November 2021, three years after her most recent call-up. The time in between made her question herself and whether she could have performed better in her first opportunities with the United States. Huerta allowed herself, even momentarily, to wonder if all those who urged her to take the opportunity with Mexico -- implicitly, the easier road -- were right.
"It was just a really big struggle for me because I was so regretful of how I handled my first opportunity with the U.S., and I felt like maybe I didn't make enough sacrifices and maybe I wasn't being as professional as I should have," she said.
"That was difficult to deal with, but then also having the thought of, I might never get this opportunity again. It's one thing to not get that opportunity because you just have a coaching staff who might not like your playing style. But to feel like I lost that opportunity solely because of what I should have done differently, it is a really hard thing to sit with. It's really hard to sit with. It's uncomfortable to sit with.
"I had many days, nights where I was just so uncomfortable, where I thought, 'Wow, I had this opportunity, I did not take advantage of it and now I may not get it again.' I thought that for a long time. And what I've said before, I had to start asking myself: 'How is that serving me?' "
For the past seven years, Huerta has worked with a life coach, Lisa McClenahan, who she connected with through Santa Clara. They speak regularly as Huerta navigates an ongoing process that she describes as being kinder to herself.
"Sitting here and sitting in this regret and having anxiety about the future, that's not feeling good," Huerta said. "So, I had to work a lot on my mental side and figure out what really worked for me. And I think in general, in life, and also in soccer, really trying to stay present is really just what's best. It's what everyone should try to do. It's so easy to look back and regret and look in the future and have anxiety."
Embracing a different role
There is another narrative that Huerta wishes to squash, one that pigeonholes her as a forward who was converted to play defense. She sees some of the discussion that her defensive abilities are lacking.
"I actually feel like that's not true," Huerta said. "I actually played center back growing up, so I do think I have the defensive skill sets. I just think it took me a little bit to relearn some things because, obviously, I've been a forward and attacking player for years. Moving back to that position, it just took me a little bit to adjust.
"Of course, there's always room to improve, but I just think since I've been there for a year now, I really do feel like I'm a good outside back and I think it is natural to say I'm a full-back."
